No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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