I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
