True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
