The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
