I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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