The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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