Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
