as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
