areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
