if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
