I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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