How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
