There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
