I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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