he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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