I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
