70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
