I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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