Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
