good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
