I wish my penis had an off switch
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
