Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
