well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
