do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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