Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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