I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
