just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
