Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
