Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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