i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
