I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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