I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
