I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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