So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
