please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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