Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she peed on how many people?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
