You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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