what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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