so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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