I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
