you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
