the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
