so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
