I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
