just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
