Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
