So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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