She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
