i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
