I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
