Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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