dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
