two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
