my phone needs a breathalizer
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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