Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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