You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
